


Forgive Me.

by Margsd



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Falling In Love, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Like really slow, M/M, Markiplier - Freeform, McLoughlin Twins, Multi, Schizophrenia, Septiplier AWAY!, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Teen pregnancy mention, Uderage smoking mention, Violence, jacksepticeye - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:50:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margsd/pseuds/Margsd
Summary: Forgive me brother because I had sinned.My bloodlust could no be ended.Our father could be so proud.Our mother would cry.You may hate me.Forgive me brother for my true self.Forgive me for what I had done.Forgive me because I cannot find forgiveness.Guilt may consume me.Yet not for what I had done,Besides of what would do this to you.Forgive me because I broke my promise.Forgive me because I cannot change myself.Forgive me because I cannot find guilt in my actions.Forgive me brother because I had sinned again.





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> Ok I had already written a lot of fanfiction (that does not mean it is good) but only in spanish, this is my first fanfiction in English and I know that my grammar isn't great, so feel free to correct me in anything you may find wrong, because I assure you there will be something.  
> I'm trying my best, I try to check everything before posting but I'm only human and self taught in this language, bear with my poor soul please.
> 
> Also, I know there's a lot of hatred to this ship because certain type of people but I love this ship, is so cute and since their chemistry as friends is so good they would make a great couple. So you know the drill. I do NOT hate Amy nor Signe, they're wonderful people (and personally have a crush on them) I know Mark and Seán would NEVER date each other nor have feelings other than friendship. They have their partners and they are happy with them.
> 
> This is only fiction, product of my imsonia, tons of coffee and psycho themed books.

May 14th 19—

\----/---.--/--.-----.-.-.--

x .-

Here he was again, being beaten by his own blood for his reckless instincts. He cannot help it. He cannot stop. The voices call him, control him. He cannot fight. He does not want to fight them. He found comfort in the warmness of the elixir of life.

The only thing he had done wrong was choose the owner of the elixir.

His father was explicit in what person he could kill. Robbers, rapists, assassins… the worst of the worst so he could give the voices a great meaning. Getting rid of the filth of the world to satiate his hunger. The voices were more than good with that, only desiring blood and more blood.

His father was using the belt him and his brother had given him for his birthday. White alligator leather with fake diamonds on the buckle. The belt was tinted in pink for being used before, several times. Lash over lash connected with his body hitting in different places being his face the more painful. He felt his elixir running for his body, he felt the ardor and the warmness of it. He could hear his brother behind his father begging him to stop. Feeling the fear of his father to punish him also for defend him he offered a calm smile begging with his eyes to him to leave. His heart sunk at the view of his younger brother, tears streaming on his face, red as carmine, snot running trough his nose. He was hiccupping and asking his father to stop in broken screams. With all his effort he asked his brother to leave, to leave to his best friend house and stay there the night, of course his brother complain but end up doing it knowing it was for the best. Hid father did not stop until he fainted.

Their mother had died of lung cancer, being a smoker since she was twelve. She told them that she would sneak into her mother’s bedroom and steal the unfinished cigarettes, they would laugh of that and she would light another cigarette and smoke right in their faces. She smoked during her pregnancy, his father blames her of his problem. He knows is not her fault, she was just having fun. Their mother was his sunshine, always there for them, treating both the same way. She never judged him nor his ticks and night terrors, she would talk to his voices too, making them quiet. He remembered the first time he killed. He killed their neighbor's cat, she asked him to do it. His father was so angry, he beaten him for the first time too, but his mother cure him, she took care of him and she reassure him that she was not mad. After that a chain started. Every time he killed a pet his father beat him; every time his father beat him his mother was there for him. Now it was his brother who was there for him.

His brother, his twin brother actually, was the gold child. Part of the honor society in his school, smart, polite, with a heart of gold, unbiased, everything a parent would wish. He loves to learn and help, so he learned how to cure his brother’s injuries. He now was studying psychiatry to help him, to find the reason of his entire bloodlust.  He was his new sunshine, he would kill for him, he would die for him. Seán was the reason of him to try to stop his actions, to stop the murder.

His father, Matthew McLaughlin. His father is a respected man of business, starting in the lowest when his girlfriend got pregnant at her young age of fifteen, he was twenty-two at that time. He loved their mother with all his heart so he took care of her and started his own business. He made his own printer, becoming quickly the main and only one in Rickville. He made an imperium, he was printing newspapers for towns nearby, the best quality, the best prices. They have money, never feeling hunger, only the best education, at least for his brother.

He always had subtil ticks, mostly in his right eye, they got worse with time usually making him close his eye with force. Sometimes he had ticks on his left shoulder making him shake and bent until it hurt. His night terrors were the worst, he would wake up screaming in pain and never remember what was happening after. He started to hear the voices when he saw how his dog was hit by a car, he saw how his belly exploded and he would never forget the sound of broken bones and squishy flesh being crushed. He hears it, a faint voice telling him it was his fault that his dog died, he should had closed the gate. It was his fault that Duke died. Then the voices become worst when he found a discomposed deer. He was playing with his brother in the forest behind their house when the new dog sprinted to the deepest of the forest, him being the brave sibling went after the dog. After probably twenty minutes searching the acid and putrid smell hit him almost making him throw up. He walked with caution to the smell finding the deer. Its rib bones showed, skin like paper and full of fat white worms. The deer talked to him, beginning him to kill him, to burn him. Him being scared to the bone went to his father warehouse and took a gallon of gasoline and his mother silver lighter.  He ran to the place, the deer screaming in agony his dog barking loudly. He yelled at them to shut up but never listened, annoyed by the screaming he poured the gasoline on the deer soaking its rotten skin and quickly dropping the lighter igniting everything and burning his hand by the magnitude of the flame. He cried in pain his dog running around him, he ran to his home holding his hand close to his chest, it hurt. His mother was asleep in the porch his father was out for work. Seán was already inside the house making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the both and their mother. He swallowed his pain and past in front of his mother avoiding to wake her up. When he entered the house and saw his brother humming a song they heard in the TV last night he let himself lose, crying and hiccupping. His brother packing took his arm and put it under the cold water of the sink, he felt the ardor promptly relieved by the coldness.

After his brother cleaned and cover his injury they ate the sandwiches while watching some comedy program on the TV. He did not tell him what had happened and his brother did not ask, they kept it as a secret.

His brother was in his bedroom door, knocking lightly. He let out a small sound of approval and Sean entered with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a big glass of milk. He with painful difficulty turn around and sit in the bed.

“I thought you would be hungry, made your favorite!” he sat in the border of his bed, careful to not touch him.

“How’s Ethan?”  Seán got uncomfortable all the sudden.

“Yeah, he’s good” he offered a smile, he knew it was fake.

“You didn’t stay the night with him, right?” he sighed, of course he would stay to be sure his father did not kill him.

“I’m sorry”

“You know our father lose it and he could had done something to you too” he was angry and scared.

“I know but-

“But nothing! I told you to go to Ethan’s and you didn’t do it, if he had hurt you I don’t know how I would had reacted!” he yelled at his brother, the voices went crazy.

'Kill him'

 _No_.

'It's better for him'

 _No,_ _it’s_ _not_.

'You save him'

'C'mon Antoni'

'Do it'

'Look at him, he’s begging you to do it'

'He would be so grateful'

 _Shut_ _up_!

“I’m sorry but you know I just couldn’t let you here alone” he saw how Seán’s eyes were watering, he felt his eyes doing the same. “I already put bandages on you while you were sleeping” he gave him a kind and heartwarming smile.

“Thank you, Seán” said he trying hard in ignore the disgusting voices.

“Oh, you know is nothing” he waved it off. Then he was quiet and uncomfortable again before he decided to say something Antoni spoke first.

“What is it? You can tell me” he gave a bite to the sandwich chewing careful, his face with a sting of pain.

“You know Cameron? He told me about some pills that may help you” he looked happy, too happy. “Pills?” he swallowed the last piece of sandwich.

“Yes!” he sat on his bed with his legs crossed, he looked like a little kid. “They would make the voices go, isn’t that great?”

'No!'

'You can’t!'

'You will be alone'

'You are useless without us'

'Mother would hate you'

'Yes, she loved us'

'You kill us, you kill Mother'

“Did they really work?” he gulped.

“Yes! Cameron said a lot of people took them and they stop to hear them” he searched in the pocket of his blue hoodie. “here, he gave me a dose so you could test the waters” he offered a round, white pill, he saw how the pill turned into an eyeball staring at him, at his soul.

'Don’t do it'

‘Don’t take it!'

'She also would disappear!'

'Seán would leave you'

'Don’t'

'Don’t'

'Don’t'

The voices overlapped each other making his head hurt. Seán noticed his discomfort so he was about to dump the eyeball when Antoni took it and swallow it dry.

'No'

'What have you done!'

'You useless piece of shit'

 _Good_ _bye_ _motherfuckers._

'You will be alone!'

'Alone!'

' **Alone!** '

“Anti? Are you alright?” he looked at his brother then he took the glass of milk and drank it until empty. “I would like to rest” Seán nodded standing up.

“Call me if you need anything, ok?” Antoni nodded and Seán left, closing the door carefully. He felt estrange. The voices were still screaming but he ignored them trying to sleep.

' **Anti what had you done?** '

 _Mother_?


	2. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for the bad grammar, I'm doing my best. Also this took me so long and I don't feel is worth it the wait but hey! Next chapter would be interesting...

May 15th , 19—

  
-. . ...- . .-./..-. --- .-. --. . -/.-- .... .- -/-.-- --- ..-/-.. .. -..

  
X.-

  
Sean told him he had a night terrors and he hurt himself. He did not remembered as usual but something told him it was important. He was at the dinner table watching TV while eating a fiber cereal with chocolate milk. It was estrange that the poster had not told him how useless he is, also something was off. There was no sight of his father nor his brother, he did not even remember how he got there. His dog was barking in the backyard, bangging to the door. The voice of the host in the TV sound strangely soothing, he was at peace. Almost finishing his cereal he then realized, the voices were gone. There was not the usual greetings and manipulative ideas. He panicked. Suddenly he stood up and ran trough the entire house, shooting for them to answer but there was only the voice of the host making a cheesy joke. Why are they gone? What happened?

  
He heard the door being open, he felt the necessity to hide for some reason, he felt vulnerable. He hide in the hall closed, they usually kept the towels there. He heard chatting in the living room, some laughs. He felt lost, all seemed less bright than usual, there were things missing. Why this was happening?  
The voices seem to get closer, his breathing become erratic.

  
‘Anti’

  
‘Breathe'

  
‘Is only your brother and Ethan'

  
_How do you know Mother?_

  
'Trust mother'

  
“Anti! Ethan’s here for dinner!”

  
'Told you’

  
_That’s not his voice Mother._

  
_Mother, I don’t remember how he sounds!_

  
_Mother?_

  
_Mother! Answer me!_

  
“Where are you? Anti?” he gasped but quickly covered his mouth with his hands. The steps seem to get closer, he did not wanted to get out of the closet, he still was not sure it was really his brother. He saw a figure standing in front of the door, his breathing hitched.

  
_Mother help me_

  
'chill the fuck up Anti! It’s just your brother you useless paranoiac'

  
The door opened revealing the concerned face of his brother. Seán let out a sight of relief promptly helping him to stand up.

  
“You scared the shit out of me! What were you doing?” Seán lead him to the living room where Ethan was standing awkwardly playing with the blinds. He rapidly let go and waved to him, the sleeve of his black hoodie covering his hand only the tips of his fingers showing. He was strangely using black basketball shorts and white sneakers, really different from his usual casual urban look painted with copious amounts of colors. He waved back at him Ethan rapidly pointed to him then with his thumb up moved his hand in circles.

  
“yeah, Ethan, I’m okay” he smiled and nodded. He seemed to not believe him but Ethan knew when to keep pushing and this seem to not be the time. Ethan was the kind of guy who would give his life for his friends, since his family always treated him like a useless retard claiming that he was faking his muteness and that he was just and idiot. He scaped from his house when he was twelve only wondering in the streets begging for food and money, sometimes other homeless would beat him until passing out and robbing him because people gave the poor child more money. He then was adopted by a kind woman whose husband had been murdered by a racist policeman who claimed that his sandwich was a gun. Anti hunted down that man when Taisha told him the story. Ethan tapped his shoulder when he sat on the dinner table, pointing at him again and then pointed to his own stomach making circles.

  
“actually now that you mention it I’m really hungry” Ethan tapped his chest with his index finger after he extended his right hand palm up then put on top his other hand palm first then flipped it to the back of his hand, he looked right at Anti’s eyes raising his eyebrows. “yes please, if Seán cooked we would die” he laughed when Sean slapped him in the head in his arm his forgotten plate, Ethan smiled and went to the kitchen. Ethan was a light to their life, even though he was the younger one he often behaved as the old brother. They loved him, he was family.

  
Ethan was taping with the spoon while he was cooking, making a little rhythm and smiling while swinging right to left. Seán was besides him trying to rob pieces of cheese that Ethan was pouring into the noodles.

  
'is your father here?'

  
_You mean here **here** o here living with us?_

  
'both'

  
_We live with him, he’s at the printer_

  
'so he still cares more about his printer than us? Not a surprise'

  
_What do you mean? He love us_

  
'my love, he doesn’t care about you, about your brother, he didn’t care about me'

  
_You’re lying, why are you telling me this Mother_

  
'because I care about you and your brother'

  
“Hey Anti! Ethan’s asking if you want any meat in the spaghetti?” he jumped for the surprise. Seán was smiling to him unaware of the things their mother was telling him. Anti gulped a little and shuffle in his seat trying to recall what his brother had said. “Anti, meat”

  
“Oh, yeah, sure, chicken?” he choked out. Seán nodded and went back to the kitchen where Ethan was now fully on dancing without music.

  
'honey'

  
_Yes Mother?_

  
'I need you to do me a favor'

  
'for Mother’

  
_What is it?_

  
'I need you to kill your father’s

  
“What?!” he stood up in an instant startling the guys. Antoni was shaking, he felt sick. Without a word he sprinted to the restroom locking the door breathing erratically.

  
'Did I freak you out?'

  
'I didn’t meant to, love'

  
'but I really need you to do it'

 

_Why?_

 

'so we can be free'

  
_What?_

  
“Anti, are you good? What happened?” Seán knocked on the door violently. “are the voices bothering you? Antoni open the door” he now was shaking the door bagging to it. “what ever they are saying don’t listen to them, they are bad” he could hear the desperation in his brother. Should he tell him that the voices was actually their Mother? No, he would freak out and have a panicked attack, just like the time he told him that his dog was still alive after the incident, that he played with him and that he told him to also burn the deer. Mother was shushing any noise making him only to concentrate in her voice.

  
'you are going to do it or I’ll make them come back'

  
'and you know you would hurt Seán'

  
'Make it look like an accident'

  
'you're good at that'

  
“Anti I’m going for the key!” he heard his brother, before anything happens he opened the door. Seán had his eyes red from tears, Ethan was behind him shaking truly preoccupied. His brother tackled him in a hug sobbing hard telling him how glad he was for him to be fine. Ethan then joined making both of them calm down.

  
After the incident Ethan went back to his house leaving the food ready for them. Seán was watching the TV laughing at something completely cuddled to him, it was kind of uncomfortable since Mother keep on telling him how to kill their father. Their father was working on a old car that belonged to her, she said it would be easy, just let the car drop over him. He felt nauseous and a headache was soon approaching. Seán began to talk about how his classes were so fun and how much he was learning, he talked about Desiree Campos, Ethan’s neighbor who Seán had a big crush on since third grade. He liked her, she was funny and really unbiased, open minded exactly like her father, contrary to her mother who were constantly trying to get Ethan out of the school because he was a retard, besides she was annoying always bringing her Bible and slapping kids with it claiming that all were tempted by the devil. He really wanted to get rid of her but that would hurt Desiree, then that would hurt his brother. He would hurt his brother by killing their father, but he would aslo hurt him if the voices came back. Either way he would hurt him, but one is for eternity.

They heard the engine of their father’s car in the garage, Antoni wanted to vomit. Seán stood up hurriedly going to the kitchen to serve their father a plate. He felt anxious waiting for Mother to say something, to guide him, but there was nothing. He did not notice when his father entered the house, huffing and walking straight to his room, leaving Seán there with plate in hand and a hurt look, he rapidly recovered waving off the rudeness and promptly followed their father to gave him his food.

  
'Same dickhead as always'

  
Her voice startled him, she laughed and vanished just like that. Seán came back with the plate in hands, he offered him a fake smile and went to dump back the spaghetti to the pot. He excused himself and went to his room, leaving Antoni alone in the living room the TV still on flashing different colors and figures with distorted voices. He heard the front door being opened and closed then the garage door made that squeaking sound.

  
'it is time, my dear'

  
Antoni stood, not really thinking too much about the circumstances. Mother’s voice guide him, he opened and closed the door carefully not making any sound. In a moment he was there at the garage door then in front of his father’s feet. Everything seem to become unfocused and distorted, static filling his senses. And there she was, pulling the Jack crushing his father, he stumbled backwards. He stood there watching his father’s elixir to slowly claim the dirty floor, Mother besides him also watching with a unsettling smile with tears in her cheeks. The sound keep repeating on his ears, the splashy, fleshy yet crushed sounds over, and over, and over again. How long had it been? An hour at least?

  
'done'

  
'now scream, my sunshine''

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Please call me Rip, of course if you wish. Also my pronouns are preferably she/her, but I also accept trash/trashier, but you can call me whatever you want!
> 
> Have a wonderful life!


End file.
